Gigi de Lana Opens Up About Self-Blame Over Mother’s Cancer & Passing
GIGI DE LANA – Filipina singer-actress Gigi De Lana opened up about self-blame over mother’s cancer and passing.
In an emotional interview, Gigi de Lana admitted that she still feels responsible for not being able to properly care for her mother, who passed away from breast cancer last May. Speaking with Toni Gonzaga on a YouTube episode aired on Sunday, Sept. 10, De Lana reflected on her mother’s struggle with cancer and eventual death, acknowledging that she is still grieving.
“Sa ngayon, Ate [Toni] hindi ko alam. Para akong naliligaw pa rin until now, lalo na noong nawala ang mom ko,” she shared, revealing that she continues to find it difficult to get through her daily life.
“At tsaka noong nawala si Mama, ‘yung mundo ko, sobrang bigat. Para akong inalisan ng kaluluwa sa katawan ko, kasi siya lahat everytime na kumakanta ako. Siya ‘yung motivation ko para sa kanya lagi, until now,” she added.
De Lana recounted their last conversation, which happened over a video call while she was in Canada for a concert.
“Nasa hotel ako t’as naka-tube [na si Mama], groggy pa siya and ‘di na nagrereact ang face nila. And [habang] nagkekwento ako, ang reaction lang niya is kumunot ang noo niya,” she said. “Pagka-off ko and habang nasa shower ako, kinausap ko na si Lord. Sabi ko, ‘Lord, okay na po. Kunin mo na siya.’”
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When asked why she made that prayer, Gigi De Lana explained that seeing her mom in pain was unbearable. Shortly after, she received the heartbreaking news that her mother had passed away.
“Hirap na hirap na siya, Ate Toni. ‘Yung face niya, namamaga na, in pain. After ko maligo may tumatawag na pagkasagot ko lahat sila, nag-iiyakan. And then shocked ako and then ‘yung Mama ko nawala na,” De Lana said.
“[Akala ko okay na ako] pero noong nawala, hindi pala. Hindi ako okay… hindi ako okay until now. Sinisisi ko kasi ang sarili ko kung bakit siya lumala nang ganyan. Kasi wala akong pera una, hindi ko siya mapagamot. Mag-isa lang ako, at siya lang din ‘yung lakas ko, siya lang,” the singer tearfully admitted.
Despite her grief, De Lana insisted on performing the concert in her mother’s honor. “My mom wanted me na ituloy ‘yun, in spirit mapapanood niya ako,” she said.
She also asked for her mother’s body to be preserved until she could return to the Philippines and see her one last time. As she moved forward, De Lana expressed some relief, knowing that her mother was no longer in pain.
“Sobrang lungkot pero a part of me ay masaya kasi tapos na ‘yung paghihirap niya. She has been battling cancer for six years, ang tagal kaya it’s time na rin to rest,” she said.